mountaineer musings

He's John Kerry

ok, so i wrote this song in the car. yes, there's a tune in my head; no, the meter's not broken, there are lots of irregular pauses. i may even get around to recording it for y'all when life slows down... it's not that good, i went through many drafts and scrapped some stuff, and here's what i came up with. enjoy, and if you don't enjoy, don't tell me so.

I went to a deli in N-Y-C
Wanted to get a muffaletta
Up pulled a man in an S-U-V
With a robot who had a vendetta
The robot came in and stood real still
While the French-looking man had his boots shined
Then he came inside and ordered his meal
After pushing his way to the front of the line... ('cause)

CHORUS:

He's John Kerry
Mr. Do-You-Know-Who-I-Am...
He's John Kerry
By the way, he served in Vietnam...
He flips a lot, then he flops the other way..ay-e-ay-ay
He'll tell you whatever he thinks you want him to sayyyyyyy

So I glanced all around
Looking for foreign leaders
Don't ya know that I found
People who measure in meters
I watched as they gave Mister Kerry high-fives
They said, "Allah Akbar, we want you to win."
He waffled at this, said, "I cannot decide
If I'm going to throw my beret in."

He thought for another moment, he did
The robot, he started to steam...
"Ok, I decided, no I didn't, yes I did,
Would you make up my mind before Gorebot screams!!" (oh!)

CHORUS

I was just about to leave
When the owner turned on the tube
Kerry shouted, "Oh no Jeeves!
That's my daughter's neckid boobs!"
"This is all Bush's fault,"
Gore yelled angrily
And his eyes were fiery red..
"It's a Vast. Right. Wing. Conspiracyyyyyyyy."

It was then that I knew
I must ask the question
"Will you support the troops
If you win the election?"
"I voted for the eighty-seven billion," said he
As he sipped from his Perrier...
After hearing the coughs of the I-raq-is
He yelled, "Psych!" and raised his be-ret...... ('cause)

CHORUS

yes, he'll tell you whatever he thinks you want him to say...
want him to say...
want him to say...
medals and ribbons...
want him to say...
we're just a flippin' and a floppin...
flippin' and a floppin'...
love that botulism in his face...
flippin' and a floppin'
woo-oo-oooooo...
woo-oo-ooo.

ode to dirt

since i almost made one person snort milk and got several other compliments about it, i decided to post this here (i wrote it in the comments section)...

ode to dirt
if i had only one place to choose from,
and all the others were full,
i'd cry my pretty eyes out and feel bummed,
'cause lubbock would not be so cool...
i mean, sure they have coach bob knight
(don't you dare call him bobby...)
but how could life ever be right
when the cineplex is too small for a lobby?
oh, lubbock, lubbock, brown barren lubbock,
i'll go to you if i have to...
oh, lubbock, lubbock, traffic-free lubbock,
i'll go to you if i must do...

SHAMELESS BLEGGING

if this is for you, you know who you are

PLEASE PLEASE come with me to Bonnaroo
I think it's the right thing for you to do
You know you wanna see all your muses on stage
And take a little time off from work without wage
To spend a few days with the one Sarah K
That it wouldn't be grand, you cannot say
You can ride in my Kia and sleep if you must
I'll let you pick the CDs that fill our drive with gust-
O can't you just do this one thing for me
The fun that we will have will be written in history
Books. I promise to protect you from the wiles of all the chicks
If they come anywhere near you I'll beat them off with sticks
Three days without showers, that's nothing, let me tell ya
For Ani, Beth and Neko, a small sacrifice, my fella
Don't you remember the old days of senior year
When you picked me up for school each day and I sat near
You while you drove the long distance to your destination
That's all I'm asking you to do, plus fill 'er up at the station
A music festival in a foreign land, this really requires no thought
You'll thank me for it later, or at least you'll know you ought
So take three days to decide, my friend, but know the final answer
Must be that you will come with me, you're Dixon to my Freelancer
A partner who's needed for a special mission, you're Secret Agent Moon
I'm Sarah K, the one and only, Fantastic Agent Croon
Ignore me if you can, but know this, I will hunt you down
And drag you off to Bonnaroo, and no, you cannot frown
One more thing before I stop this shameless, lengthy picket
I'm really kind of poor these days, so will you buy my ticket?