waaaaahhhhh

i know i've mentioned this before, but...

chicks who live alone (unless you count the felines) shouldn't have to mow their own lawns. the male relative / friend living in closest proximity to said chicks are responsible for this chore.

have i mentioned i've never mowed a lawn in my life? i tried once, but i couldn't get the thing to start due to my wimpy-arms problem; my neighbor came over and noticed that the mower also needed oil, said i could use his mower, and i said, "no thanks. i tried, that's what counts. he can do it when he gets home."

ok, 'nuff whining, i'm gonna go mow my yard with my 3-wheeled lawnmower that i'm probably not strong enough to start anyway. good thing i have a long driveway so the neighbors won't see my struggle with that start-cord thingy. and if it's out of gas... well, i won't even know how to refill it, and i'll just wait for those nice boys to come back around and ask me to pay them to do it.

wish me luck.

UPDATE: this is so. so. embarrassing. i can't even start a lawn mower, and i don't have a clue about troubleshooting. can work on my own car, yes, but can't start a grass cutter.

Comments

[rightwingduck]

9/11 commissioner (to SarahK)

Miss K. What did you MOW? And when did you MOW it??!!

[Drew]

3 wheels? If one is missing get it fixed. Mower wheels are cheap. Or perhaps its a 3 wheel design. Whatever.

Don't know what model it is, so I can't be too specific, so I will assume you have a plain old gas mower, no electric start or any of that fancy self-propelled stuff. If it is self-propelled, there will be a lever on the handle that can disengage the drive wheels, similar to a cars clutch. Disengage them.

All mowers these days have a saftey bar on the handle that has to be held down so that they will run. A bit of duct tape will hold it in place, or a twist tie, if your arms aren't long enough to hold the bar down when you pull the starter cord. If you can reach both at the same time, and have the strength to pull that cord hard with just one hand, then ignore this.

Most mowers don't have throttles anymore, just a 2 speed setting on the carburator. Slide the lever from the Turtle position to the Bunny position. On some mowers the speed control is on the handle, but on many its on the carburator on the side of the engine. The carb is that silvery blob of metal that looks like it has a little short piece of pipe coming off it. It hides under a metal or plastic box on the side of the engine. The box holds the air filter, which is really greasy. Also on the carb is usually a little black rubber wart, about 3/4" across. Looks like the top of a little ball. You have to poke this thing slowly about 8 times. That pumps some gas into the carb. Sometimes the wart has the word PRIME on it, since pumping it primes the carb.

Gas goes in the screw cap on top of the engine. It has a picture of a gas can on it. It doesn't have to be full, but if the mower hasn't been used this year put in some fresh gas. You almost never have to worry about the oil or the spark plug, but make sure the plug wire is attached to the plug.

To start the beast (you are wearing sturdy shoes, no bare toes, no sandals or clogs please) you have to pull the starter rope firmly and fully, and I mean firmly in a mannish manner. Brace your foot against the TOP of the mower body (the part the wheels attach to; its actually called the deck), (keep feet away from the underside where sharp things lurk!!) lean way forward and grab the pull cord, then by extending your legs, lifting with your back, and pulling up your arms pull that cord for all you are worth. I mean it. The cord isn't that hard to pull, but you have to pull hard and fast so the engine spins around enough to catch and run. The cord is about 4 feet long, so its a big pull. It usually takes 3 or 4 pulls to get it going, but only 1 once its warmed up.

Don't forget about the saftey bar/switch: it has to be up against the main handle. Tie it down for now if you need to, but untie it when its running.

Ok. That should get you going. Once its running, remember to overlap each cutting pass by about 6". Easiest way is to line up the edge of the uncut grass with the side of the engine. If you use a bagger put it on before starting the mower, check it for fullness as you mow by giving it a gentle kick every pass or three, and turn the mower off when it needs emptying.

You've had your whine (which I never want to hear again! the nerve, playing the "Im just a girl" card in this day and age. Harrmumph), you've had some instruction, now get out there and get the job done.

Oh my, I sound like such a dad here, don't I? Ooops!

[AWG]

Or conversely, you could find some kid in the general vicinity who would be willing to mow your lawn for you, for a nominal fee. Nothing like a little capitalism to make a win-win out of a losing situation. :o)

[IowaSoccerMom]

Oh, girlfriend, you're not alone. I *can* mow, but I'm of the opinion that it's really a gentleman's sport, like grilling or trash-taking-out. Although... it's a dandy way to work on your tan. Alas, I'm of the type that only burns, so it never did me any good...

The Frank J. BlogLib was hilarious, BTW.

[maggie katzen]

yep, I have to agree it's a man's sport. I have a non-motor type mower which is fine, but I just wasn't home enough to use it. (I mowed the back yard at 10 o'clock at night once) but the front isn't so well lit. anyhoo, my brother in law's father in law offered to do it, I think it's a side business of his. Anyhoo, the man o' the house should be home before too long then he can do it! yay!

[mt in big D]

you are all right, it is a man's job. what's your address, i'll be right over. well, not right over, its a little after midnight, and your neighbors probably wouldnt appreciate you mowing right now, but you know what i mean.

[jonag]

The old mowers are impossible to start. The newer ones are so smooth even I can start one.
We used to have a teenaged boy in the neighborhood who came by every week and did the job. That's they way to go because you are helping a future Republican (c'mon, you know he is! Think about it!), and your lawn gets done regularly.

[sarahk]

Drew, that's exactly how i like my instructions: detailed and bossy. thanks, dad, i'll try again tonight! ;)

RWD, i MOW nothing; never did. i promise.

maggie, i even put on shorts that don't go all the way to my knees + a mostly sleeveless shirt so i could work on said tan; that's the only reason i'm willing to do it myself (well, that and no one seems to be doing it for me).

mt in big D (hi, nice to see you here!), it'll take you about 6 hours at night to get here, so you could have been here bright and early at 6. i'm sure the neighbors wouldn't have minded!

soccermom, i don't even know that i *can* mow.

AWG, jonag, i even came home at lunch yesterday, just hoping that the boys who mowed it last time would be by again. no luck. :( i do so want to help those future Republicans.

[Frank J.]

All I know is don't stick your hand under there.

I have a mowing service as part of my HOA fee, so not a worry since I was a kid.

[sarahk]

how nice for you, Frank. and thanks for the advice, i'll try to remember not to be a moron. :)

[jason of avoca]

There is grass in Texas?????

[mt in big D]

6 hours? then i could do it in 4. 'course that still might be a little far just to go mow grass. but for you sarahk, i'd do it.

[sarahk]

jason, the "grass" probably more accurately described as "ugly weeds", but anyway, it grows long and needs mowin'.

that's sweet mt in big D.