Sarah and Sandy Hike the Grand Canyon... Part 3

Part 1
Part 2

Part 3: Brian the Hot Park Ranger

Sandy and i arrived at the North Rim after a very scary drive through the Vermillion Cliffs of northern Arizona; the cliffs are beautiful, so beautiful, in fact, that they make me want to wet all over myself in fear. that comes later.

after you arrive at the North Rim and pay your entry fee, you drive another eleven or so miles through the most beautiful meadows you've ever seen; they roll on and on and are surrounded by and interspersed with breathtakingly fabulous forests of aspen and evergreen trees. absolutely magnificent. Sandy and i even saw a fox trotting through the meadows on our way in. wicked cool.

our first stop inside the Rim was at the Backcountry Permits Office for our camping permit. when we first entered the office (translation: tiny trailer), there were a couple of British chaps applying for their permit; i resisted the urge to ask, "say, do you know my pen pal David? he lives in England. tall, dark blonde hair, cute son. ever met him?" when they left, it was our turn to apply, and my turn to... gaze... upon the beauty that is Brian the Park Ranger..................................................................... sorry, the angels singing around my vision of him were so loud, i got caught up in the music. continuing...

we told Brian the Beautiful that we wanted to camp at the river tonight; he gave us a not-so-subtle once-over and said, "you can't hike to the river in one day." what was it? the fact that we intended to hike in long pants? was it the air of cluelessness emitting from our every pore? the fact that Sandy wore full makeup, a pretty little scarf and big hoop earrings more suited for a trip to the mall than an overnight wilderness trek? my twenty-one pounds of extra padding and overall puffiness? however he did it, Brian the Beloved accurately pegged us as the exact opposite of people who could/should hike fourteen miles to the river in one hot summer day. but we weren't giving up our week-long dream without a fight.

"why can't we hike to the river?" "well, first off, the temperatures in the Canyon are going to be over a hundred degrees, and you really shouldn't hike in this heat between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m." wha-huh? "oh, well, we have plenty of water, we'll be fine. we really want to hike to the river." i think Sandy was doing all the talking, because i was just alternating between gazing upon this beauteous man and wiping drool off my chin and mumbling something akin to "yummmmmmmmm". Hot Cakes wasn't giving in, that stubborn doll. "i really don't think you should hike to the river. have you considered day-hiking?" all the air was sucked out of that little trailer and into Sandy's and my lungs; that was most insulting, and if he wasn't so distractingly hot................................................... where was i? oh yes, i might have been offended. switching to our fall-back unison mode, we stated our desire to abandon all reason and hike to the Colorado River. "oh no. we didn't come to day-hike, we came to camp. besides, we didn't bring day-packs, we brought 2-day packs, so we wouldn't have the proper equipment for that." Brian the Lovely now looked mildly amused. "to hike to the river in one day, you would have needed to start at 5 a.m." calling SarahK! come and say something stupid! here i said, "but the permits office doesn't open until 8." Sweet Sweet Brian just looked at me as if to say, "hey, baby, wanna go out? i love you." ....... sorry, dream mode again. he really looked at me like, "there's such a thing as getting the permit ahead of time," but that nice man just smiled politely and pulled out a map of the Rim trails.

"have you considered hiking to Cottonwood?" Sandy asked if Cottonwood equals river. "no, it's not the river, but it is at the bottom of the Canyon." Sandy and i exchanged glances, then Sandy said, "we really want to hike to the river." Patient Park Hotness stated that he really didn't recommend that and told us that if we really wanted to hike to the river, we would need at least two nights. the two extremely knowledgeable hikers looked at each other again; i, being so considerate and selfless, said, "well, what do you think? you're the one with the kids." and with my super-duper telepathy, i told Brian the Not-Wearing-a-Wedding-Ring that i had no kids and would soon finalize my divorce; i also shrugged my eyebrows in my mind. Sandy didn't think it would be nice to call her folks and say, "hey, by the way, would you like to keep the kids one or two extra nights while we extend our trip?" Sandy the thoughtful. bah.

we had to excuse ourselves to discuss without the distraction of............................... um................. sorry. without the distraction of Brian the Babely and all that intellect he was using on us. we decided, once again, that this silly park ranger was wrong, and we were going to the river. back inside once again, we informed Brian the Pale-Green-Eyed Darling of our decision, so as a last gasp, he showed us on the map how the greatest amount of altitude drop occurs between the rim and Camp Cottonwood, so really we would be going to the bottom of the canyon (while still accomplishing our goal of not dying) if we would but agree to camp at Cottonwood.

the "not dying" part of our goal was key to our Canyon-hiking enjoyment, so we were finally convinced. Wonderful Brian was relieved to issue our permit after only a half-hour of convincing.

Comments

[Joshua]

[oh no, i wet the bed last night]!! :o)

[Joshua]

argh!! I haven't done that in sooo long.

Where can I buy rubber sheets?

[BeeBee]

I'll never forget the time I saw this gorgeous man, devouring him with my eyes, lusting after him, I walked into a wall. It was worth it, he was lovely.

[jonag]

What? No pictures?? C'mon!!!!

[sandor at the zoo]

Others are speculating wildly over at IMAO as to why both Frank and Sarah are missing from their blogs today; I think the consensus is that they met in a tree to go fishing.

I, however, am above such irresponsible rumormongering. I would never make guesses like "They're shacked up in a seedy motel room in Kalamazoo!" or "They've gone nude cliff diving in Borneo, where they'll be married at midnight by a Zorastrian high priest!". Stuff like that is beneath me and I refuse to engage in it.

So ... I'm betting on nudity, cliffs, and Zorastrian priests in Borneo. How about you guys?

S

[Wolf's Dawn]

I don't know about all that.....but I sure hope there were flowers, a hot-off-the-presses Chomps t-shirt, and maybe a nice bottle of Pepsi Blue!

[Joshua]

yea, SarahK would definently go cliff diving, nude? I don't know, but Zoroastrian [witch doctors] definently not!!

[Chris Veck]

Man, last time I was at the Grand Canyon was when I hiked it in 6th grade 6 years ago. I can still remember Phantom Ranch. Very sad that I have only been there once even though I live in Phoenix...

Your trip sounds really awesome, and that goal of not dying is something we should all strive for. Congrats on living out that goal.