so i did it. i did the deed; i totally kicked that lawn's butt. for the first time in my life, i mowed a lawn. without adult supervision. hooray for me!! it only took a reader sending me detailed instructions and diagrams (thanks Drew), a call to Spydaddy since it used to be his mower, a call to Bikermommy to find out where in the world she hid all my flat-head screwdrivers, a trip to Home Depot for a gas can, a trip to the gas station and like three hours. did i mention that i only got my front lawn mowed? yeah.
i did learn some things while i mowed my lawn last night, and i would like to share them now...
1. just because the lawn mower has gasoline in it doesn't mean it will work, especially if that's really old gasoline and the mower hasn't been used in over a year.
2. that's the first thing you should do... add new gasoline. and the second thing you should do is feel really stupid that after two days of trying, the thing that got the dumb machine going was gasoline.
3. once you get the mower going, if there's a buncha black smoke pumping out of the... uh... muffler?, it means the mower is gonna be very bad, rebel against you and stop mid-way through the first row.
4. if the mower stops midway through the first row, and you start it up again and keep going, and it stops again, and you repeat this process over and over, you'll only get 1.2 rows of grass mowed before it just won't work at all.
5. once that happens, you should do what i did. start kicking the engine really hard, jump up and down screaming and crying, then throw yourself on the ground and pound your fists and feet against the yard over and over; this won't really do anything to get the mower started, especially if you live in my neighborhood, where everyone's really nice but seems to disappear at the first sign of mower trouble. alternatively, you can grab your flathead, open up the air filter thingy (after first checking it to see if it's hot) and check to see how icky the filter is. if the whole bottom of the filter is caked in sludgy oil, just go ahead, get your hands dirty (paper towels are for sissies, i tell ya) and wipe the thing off. i recommend not wiping the chunks of nastiness onto the grass -- wipe 'em onto the mower.
6. if you run your hands through your hair after getting them dirty cleaning the air filter, you are, in fact, going to get black sludge in your hair.
7. after the filter is back on and your mower seems to be working again, it's okay to do a little happy dance right there in the front yard for everyone to see; however, this will make the mower go off again.
8. i am, indeed, still allergic to grass pollen.
9. mowing is a decent workout. tonight i might mow the back.
10. if you're mowing and it gets dark, you can find some light to work by if you just run right over that part of the sidewalk that sticks up way higher than the rest of the sidewalk... if you consider bright orange sparks (and lots of them) good light to work by.
11. my legs are way too short for y'all to be worried about me sticking my feet underneath the mower while it's on; i hope this factoid will ease your minds.
12. mowing makes me tired, makes my hands hurt and makes me feel manly.
13. speaking of feeling manly, if you're a woman and, by some cruel injustice, have to mow the lawn, you should come straight inside when you're done and curl your hair. after you clean your fingernails.
UPDATE: 14. that fourth wheel is way overrated and completely unnecessary.
Actually, if you just keep throwing tantrums but do it in a different place each time, you could just flatten the grass all over your lawn and no one would know the difference.
Posted by: jonag | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 10:31 AM
A word of advice: "goats"
Posted by: JFH | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 11:01 AM
on the air filter issue, you can flush the filter with gas, then pour a little motor oil into the foam. (or pour a lot and gently squeze out some of the oil)
using gas as a cleaner is hard on your hands, and not exataly EPA approved, but works
Futility
Posted by: Futility | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 12:09 PM
Way to go, Sarah! Now give that back yard what for! :oD
Posted by: AWG | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 01:21 PM
Lawn mowing sucks. I prefer Round Up. Goats are too smelly.
Posted by: dvgulliver | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 06:25 PM
We're all so proud of you!
Futility is correct. Put some gas in a bowl and squeeze the filter in it like a sponge. Kerosene works good too. Wring it out and work some motor oil into it then wring it out again. You don't need the special air filter oil. Power steering fluid will work too. You could actually clean the filter and then let the gas evaporate for a few hours before re-oiling it, but that isn't 100% necessary if you don't mind the small risk of a fireball if the engine backfires.
Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Drew | Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 11:35 PM
way to go, you're a third of the way there, now you just have to edge and weed wack. congratulations, i assume you will be adding a pushbutton start lawnmower to your wishlist.
Posted by: mt in big D | Thursday, July 15, 2004 at 01:04 PM
jonag, i wish i'd thought of that, ugh! where was that good advice when i needed it!
JFW, goats smell bad. and they creep me out.
good to know, Futility and Drew, i'll keep that tidbit handy for next time. and i don't mind getting my hands dirty.
AWG, that's tonight, and it better watch out.
dvgulliver, i don't think the landlord would appreciate me RoundingUp the yard, lol.
no way, mt, who needs a pushbutton start? i've got this puppy figured out now!
Posted by: sarahk | Thursday, July 15, 2004 at 01:48 PM
Post a picture of the lawnmower
Posted by: red donga | Friday, July 16, 2004 at 08:59 AM
why?
Posted by: sarahk | Friday, July 16, 2004 at 01:35 PM
Terribly sorry Sarahk. I was just up late last night posting drunken gibberish. Didn't mean to rub a woman as beautiful as you the wrong way
Posted by: Red donga | Friday, July 16, 2004 at 08:26 PM
Red - right way, wrong way, who cares? As long as you get to rub Sarah, you should be happy ;-)
Sarah - just wanted to toss in my congratulations on your lawn-conquering. Beloved Wife hates our lawnmower because she has short arms and it's hard for her to pull the start cord far enough to get the motor to turn over. Plus, half the time the cord won't retract on it own. Just bought it this year, too. Go figure.
Posted by: Harvey | Saturday, July 17, 2004 at 09:00 AM
BAD BAD HARVEY!! or as i often say to minerva, "NO NO!!" and thanks for the congrats, Harvey, but i would like to point out that Beloved Wife should never ever have to start the lawnmower. that's your job. always.
Posted by: sarahk | Sunday, July 18, 2004 at 12:17 AM
Sarahk~ when the timing is right, I highly recommend giving birth to 3 boys. (one at a time, preferrably, so as to prolong your non-mowing status.) I figure I have at least 10 to 12 more years before I have to face that sucker again. YAY FOR BOYS!
Posted by: Pam | Sunday, July 18, 2004 at 09:43 PM
LOL, sounds like a plan. actually, i want 2 boys so i can be a really rad hockey mom. 'cause i ain't breedin' no sissies.
Posted by: sarahk | Sunday, July 18, 2004 at 10:12 PM
I mow grass all day, everyday!!!! And i am the only girl on a crew of 13 guys!!! Mowing grass is cool. nicely done friend!!!
Posted by: someone | Thursday, August 05, 2004 at 11:54 PM