i watch horror movies in fast forward

i never watch a horror flick at the movie theater. when i watch a horror flick (which is a rare occurrence, since i hate them), i require the ability to watch them in fast-forward or with muted sound, so i don't see them in theaters. see, it's not the scary plotlines, the knives-for-fingers or the rusted machetes that scare me. no no. the only scary thing about a horror flick is the score; the hair-raising, goose-bump-making, spooky music is the only part of a horror flick that actually scares me. bring on the nightmares, Mr. Krueger, but no soundtrack, please.

so these are the conditions under which i will watch a horror movie:

1) daylight must be piercing through all windows; darkness is not allowed.
2) my back is to a couch, and behind the couch is a wall; due to that Crystal Lake creep's affinity for stabbing people through walls and whatnot, i require 2-layer protection from the bogeymen.
3) if i'm watching a movie with someone, say a guy for example (not that this ever happens), the second i get an idea that he might plan to scare me by capitalizing on a spooky moment with a rib jab and a "BOO", he will be thrown out on his big fat pinkytoe, never to be given the opportunity to watch a movie with me again.

and this is how i watch a horror movie:

i watch in real-time until the music picks up, then i mute it. if muting isn't enough, i hit fast forward until someone is either dead or has escaped death. then i rewind and watch it in real-time, because hey, i already know what happens.

the one exception to watching a horror movie in the theater (now, this is by my broad definition of horror flick, which includes some, but not all, psychological thrillers) was What Lies Beneath. my good friend Brenda (who is also Bikermommy's best friend) wanted to see What Lies Beneath, so i agreed to see it with her at the theater, but there was one condition. we had to see the 5:00 showing so that when the movie let out, it would still be daylight outside. ok, two conditions, the second being that she couldn't laugh at me when i screamed in the theater; she didn't, because she screamed too.

Comments

[Cowtipper]

Watch them in reverse maybe then they would be not so bad.

[sarahk]

i'd be afraid to hear/see something evil if i watched them backward! :)

[jason of avoca]

Not much scares me, but sometimes when you are not prepared for it, it will make your heart stop. When I saw a movie last week they showed the trailer for the new Exorcist movie and just the trailer frightened me.

[sarahk]

i never even saw the first.