hmm, while posting a comment on Frank J's blog, i realized that my anniversary has passed. for various reasons that i won't get into right now, i am still married. so do i say that i was married for 7 years, since that's when i left? or do i say i was married for 8 years, since technically i have been? well, the 8 is not by choice, so i'm thinking i'll say 7; it's all very weird to think about anyway.
i've got mediation this week, and if we don't agree on terms then, we have a hearing next week. i don't know what happens if the hearing doesn't solve anything, or is that the court date? i don't know, i was under the impression that the earliest we would go to court would be february if we can't agree on anything.
it's weird, though, closing that chapter of your life; i was what, 19 when i got married, and i was so determined to never be a statistic, to never be "divorced". but there are certain things that can't be forgotten, even if they can be forgiven. and God Himself gives one exception to "till death", and if He allows that one exception, i don't feel guilty for exercising the right that He has given me.
though some people did actually tell me that i should, in fact, feel guilty about it. you know what? you can argue with me, and you can listen to a liar's version of the story and not even want to give me the benefit of asking to hear my side of the story (wait, is that a benefit? i've never enjoyed it, so i should say "courtesy") before making up your mind to abandon me, but I WOULDN'T ARGUE WITH GOD, IF I WERE YOU. if i have His permission, i don't give a flip about yours. i don't care if it makes you uncomfortable; i can list a big fat reason for my divorce that makes ME uncomfortable. i'm sorry that it makes you sad; once upon a time it made me sad, too, but i've moved on and gotten over it -- you should too.
i suppose i'll never truly be over it, though. trust is a hard thing for me now. and anytime i see a man with pomade or thick gel in his hair, my immediate reaction is "RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!".
but the great thing about me is that i LOVE being in love; i LOVE romance; i LOVE companionship (maybe that's why i love blogging so much -- nah, it's because i love writing and knowing that people are actually reading), so i'm not on the "i'll never trust or love another man" path. no way, i know that not all of you have such disdain and disrespect for women. especially sports-lovin', gun-totin', outdoorsy, hot, Christian, conservative chicks who HATE talking on the phone, ABHOR girl talk, especially that which comes at the expense of watching hockey with the guys, would rather camp out at the bottom of the Canyon than spend a week at a 5-star hotel, love action flicks (though i also love chick flicks but don't force guys to watch them with me) and could. not. care. less. about. breaking a nail.
so once the D is over, don't worry, fellas -- i'm not going to crawl into a hole and post a sign on the door that says "never getting back out there". i may, though, post a sign on the door that says "Greasy-Haired Liars, Go Away or I Shall Shoot You".
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