mountaineer musings

i know that some of the votes are already cast, but...

some of them aren't. so... i'm thinking that i need to bribe the judges of the IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest... but, see, i'm unemployed and about to incur moving expenses and really need a shopping spree, so i can't really afford to bribe the judges with money...

but maybe you can!! i would say, "send the judges money directly," but you wouldn't send GWB money directly, would you? you would send it to his money collection organization thingy and let them give it to him...

which is why i propose that if you want me to win the Contest, you should do something to help me, like contribute to my Amazon account. now, i won't actually give the money to the judges, but you'll feel like you're helping, and you will be. you'll be helping me with my car payment, my moving expenses, my CD & DVD habit, my recently acquired shoe-buying habit... plus i can buy a new gun or two, and don't you want to help out with that worthy cause?

anyway, just something to think about... thank you in advance for your help in bribing the IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest judges in my honor... and if you don't want to give money, you can always send something from my Amazon wishlist .

this shameless blegging is NOT approved by the great Frank J.

miscellany again

i'd like to thank the Academy... holy smokes, Batman! my entry into the IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest was far more successful than i anticipated. going from ~300 hits a day to the over 1000 that i had yesterday is enough to make any babe's head swell. even if those California girls kick my pinky-toe, thanks, Frank, for the 15 minutes! it's been fun.

wrath of the Bikermommy... um, it has been pointed out to me by MoDe aka Bikermommy that i misrepresented our conversation yesterday... well, i didn't, but since she's a badpinky-toe and all, i'm not about to argue. Bikermommy did say i was in the top four, but she also said i was the winner. now i'm gonna go put some herbal remedy on my bruises from where she kicked my butt.

self-editing... please keep the comments "cussin'" free, or i will edit them to something sissy-sounding. i don't like those words, and my grandma reads my blog too! krakatoa has learned that "pinky-toe" can be seamlessly substituted for the a-word, and it works quite well! thank you for your cooperation... btw, this means no taking the Lord's name in vain, even in abbreviated form...

wow, what an exciting game...

since i can't really say anything about basketball without showing myself to be a basketball idiot (if only they had centers, wingers, sin bins & bluelines i could speak intelligently), i'll just say that my stomach was in my throat for the last 5 minutes of the game.

the Mavs lost to the Kings, so my playoff hopes while still living in the Metroplex have died with them (since the Stars broke my heart a few weeks ago). oh well, it was exciting anyway, and since i'm a total Dallas sports homer, i will NEVER break ranks and root for the teams where i live (though Scott tells me that this is absolutely unacceptable).

um, Bikermommy?? what's up?

so Bikermommy checked out the other Babes in Frank J's Contest and said she thinks i'm in the top 2. after looking at all the pictures again, she said i'm in the top 4.

WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?? YOU'RE MY MOTHER!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT I'M THE HANDS-DOWN WINNER AND THAT THE JUDGES WOULD BE INSANE TO PICK THOSE OTHER HOTTIES!

wah. may i just point out that my mother rides motorcycles, which makes her one tough hot mom.

i'm sarahk, and i approved this fake whiny rant. love you, Bikermommy!

today

today is a big day in my life, nay, huge! Frank J has posted the entries for his IMAO T-Shirt Babe Contest, and i'm so nervous i could almost pee my pants! brb.... k, i'm back, didn't wanna pee my pants.

anyway, i'm contestant #lucky 13, and i must say, though i've talked trash i'm a little a-scared of some of those girls -- psych! i do not fear any hot California girls or hot moms of four or other such ladies; i am a proud Republican who will shamelessly kiss up to all nine judges until Monday, when their choices have to be made. so here i go...

Wow, that Frank J sure does make me proud to be an American. He effortlessly fights against the John Kerrys, the PETA terrorists, the Osamas and the monkeys of the world; every day I awaken with intense anticipation of what I will read from the Frank J that I can't even wait until after my morning pee to turn on my machine and visit his blog. People tell me I'm funny, but I'll be the first of thousands to tell you that I ain't got nothin' on the illustrious Frank J.

At the risk of alienating my stepdad (sorry Pappy), I'm going to be quite honest here... Doug the T-Shirt Guy is by far the greatest t-shirt guy to exist on God's green planet. If Doug the T-Shirt Guy were to show up at my door and ask me to model t-shirts for his website for free, well, I would say no way!! I'm a capitalist, not a communist!! But I might give him a discount, because, hey, he's Doug the T-Shirt Guy!

Now, I'm all about fairness and everyone getting ahead based on their talents, merits and Rottweillers, but man, it's just not fair how much Emperor Misha I was born with! Sharp-tongued, fabulously Right and Not Suitable for Children Under 35 or Over 59, Emperor Misha I is the greatest fighter against Idiotarians, and we owe him our allegiance.

If there is anyone who writes better Love Notes than Harvey of Bad Money, I don't know who that is; I hope his wife appreciates those little bits that he posts for her daily, because, wow, I sometimes can't breathe after I read them, and they're not even directed at me! Besides writing the Best! Love Notes! Ever! Harvey is also a genius of humor, political Rightness and literary talent, plus he has the best eye for finding and sharing Graffiti Currency. Oh, to have half the talents of Harvey!

There's this man, and see he's, well, AWESOME!! He's Blackfive, and he's the paratrooper of love. His close friends call him Matty, which sounds like a hockey name to me, so he must be one of the smartest and toughest men on the planet. He has protected our freedoms, has awesome taste in movies, music and food. Oh, and he's funny. BTW, if I were into bribery, I would tell Blackfive that I make awesome guacamole and pretty decent salsa and would be glad to send him some. But I'm not into bribery. (email me, I'll hook ya up!)

If you want to read oustanding essays, first block out a lot of time; then go see what Bill Whittle has to say. He writes excellent dissertations, looks great in a Nuke the Moon t-shirt and even greater in his fighter-pilot getup and makes me proud to be an American. Frank J says he's mean to waitresses, but I don't buy it; Bill Whittle is not capable of such meanness.

John Hawkins, of Right Wing News, is downright funny and smart, even if a little obsessed with desert islands. His rotating banner at the top of the page is enough to get me giggling, but that's not even near the best he has in store. Check out his Best of RWN Humor and see that he may just be the 5th-funniest in the top five when it comes to funnies in the blogosphere (the #1 spot belonging to Frank J, of course).

What can one say about the Puppy Blender blogfather, Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit? Well, lots of things, but they've already been said. Now, I could take the side of the Alliance and tell filthy lies about him, or I could attribute a fake quote to him (something like, "SarahK deserves to win Frank J's Babe Contest if for no other reason than her Instabeauty, so I think I'll vote for her"). But I'll just say this: Glenn Reynolds gets a lot of traffic.

"Who are you?" "No One of Consequence." "I must know." "Get used to disappointment." I know little about No One of Consequence except that he is a great speler speller and should vote for me.

Well, that about does it. If you're a judge and I somehow missed kissing up to you, notify me and I will doubly praise you.

what a classy kid

i just watched the results show for AI, and wow am i impressed. jon stevens is going home tonight, and he's just so classy about it. he's been so mature and poised every week. simon was dead-on accurate last night when he said that jon takes criticism better than any of them, just like a man, and when he learned he was going home, he took that with such class, too. and the other contestants seemed genuinely sad to see him go, especially diana, how cute!

anyway, good luck to the sweet, classy MAN jon stevens.

today

today is Wednesday. thought you oughta know.

AI, don't make me boycott you

ok, i respect Gloria Estefan, i think she's a sweet person and very talented, but wow, i am beaten down by her music. so not only do i have to endure Jasmine in the unbelievable absence of Jennifer Hudson (wah!! why didn't i vote??), but i have to follow up listening to Barry Manilow's worst tunes (Mandy notwithstanding) by listening to Gloria Estefan's stuff. it's not her fault that i don't like her music, it was excruciatingly overplayed in the 80s & 90s. i do think it's cool that the Miami Sound Machine showed up, but i'm already annoyed by Gloria being a guest judge. "i'm going to leave the judging up to the judges, they do a great job" or something like that. um, Gloria, do you even WATCH the show?? Simon is the only judge worth his salt, even though he had an off week last week.

Fantasia 01 - oh no!! i agree with Randy Jackson, i can't believe it!! but all is not lost, i also agree with Simon, so he's back!! the dancing was great, i loved the outfit and her spunk. but i hate that song (not her fault, though she did pick it), and she really was unexciting, vocally. VOTE FOR HER ANYWAY, WE KNOW WHO NEEDS TO GO HOME!! PLEASE VOTE!! I PROMISE I WILL TOO!!

volume IX

hey there, self! i know i've been remiss in noting you of late, but it's only because i don't love you anymore. what? oh, just kidding! LOL. SarahK, you are sooooo weird. tell me something i don't know. um, you don't know where you're moving to; i could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you. and since i now know you're a psycho (see picture at left), i believe you. my head is spinning now; you're soooo confusing me. ok, i'll stop. thank you. what a freak we are. anyway, i have some pointers for you...

1. dear self, always unplug the vacuum cleaner when you're done using it.

2. self, remember when we had the talk about sticking your fingers in your eyes after using Ben-Gay? the same applies when eating jalapenos. k?

2.3 CIPHER

SARKYPOOH: I'd offer you passage back to civilization, but my submersible only seats four.
SYDNEY: It's the thought that counts.